I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
