Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
