You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
