....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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