So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
