I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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