Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
