i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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