I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
