alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
May the power of my ass compel you!!
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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