She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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