I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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