If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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