The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
