VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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