My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
