My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
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