Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
