She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
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