My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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