good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
