A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
