I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Randomize