i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
