I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
