i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
