I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
