Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
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