Yo dont text me then not text me
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
