i just google imaged poop.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize