Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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