this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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