She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
