I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
