Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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