You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
