your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
