the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Sorry my hands just texted you
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize