Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize