I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
honey bunches of taint.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
