My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just invented taco cereal.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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