"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
