i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
