I didn't shave. On purpose
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
