I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
