in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
