I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
