garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
