Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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