i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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