I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
