Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
