party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
