dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
