RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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