wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
