She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize