Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
