He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
two words: eviction party
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
These tits shall not be calmed
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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