also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
