Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
