nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
So here I am, sexting at work.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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