Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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