i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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