He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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