Your mouth is God's brothel.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this just has baby written all over it
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
