She announced her abortion via fbk
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
