I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
