i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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