You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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