Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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