so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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