they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
